Coffee. Sugar. Smokeables. Cold Turkey.
After someone I know, more-so someone from my past.. days where I was in the depths of addiction and drug use, died of a heroin overdose a couple of days ago.. I can’t believe it’s real.. Dead? Anyways, it sparked me going on a cleanse.
I am very aware of my addictive brain, I tend to get addicted to anything. Sugar is honestly the worst currently, and if you think that’s silly.. think again. I will go through the large sized bag of coconut sugar, or maple syrup in a week. This ends up costing me $80 a month. For a food that is not necessary. It doesn’t make me feel good, and I often end up bingeing on some combination of carbs and sugar at about 8pm. This throws off my sleep schedule, and my gut balance. It really does interfere with my life. FUCK. Coffee isn’t such an issue, I don’t drink more and more each day (like i do with the other things, that is a telltale addiction thing) but smokeables ARE an issue. I don’t want to go into that, but i never smoked tobacco regularly before this year. WHY NOW??
I know that the desire to cope comes from uncomfortable feelings. So, I need to become more comfortable with my feelings. Rather than immidiately jumping to a coping mechanism, I need to sit with myself and feel it flow through me. There are healthy coping mechanisms, like self massage, baths, yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, burning sage (it really is distracting for me and makes me calmer) aaaand running.
Running has been something on/off for a few years that I have tried to get into, but lately I have been enjoying it more than ever. I love the feeling in my body right after I stop, and also I have been finding that I have alot more energy when I run in the morning, and it lasts throughout the day.
I’ve been trying to keep up with blog posts, writing is something that I really want to get into more.. It’s perfectionism that keeps me from doing it. I know that i’m a terrible writer. I know that this would be hard to get through for anyone reading, and is totally un-interesting. But if I just do it, and do it, and do it some more, I will improve. So i’m doing it.